Lessons 7 and 8

Life is not a popularity contest

As someone whose biggest fear is loneliness this has taken a while to learn – and still needs some drilling in. You don’t need to be friends with everyone (although do try to be nice to everyone). Life is not a popularity contest. Bad friendships can be as stifling as a bad relationship, so surround yourself instead with only the best and pick your friends carefully.

Which means taking time to get to know people. Don’t give everything away on the first date in the hope of discovering a kindred spirit. That was my previous habit, an unhealthy lack of self esteem driven by a phobia of isolation made me want to sell myself to almost everyone I met, without bothering to find out whether the other person was someone I even wanted to know. When I look back now I shudder to think how desperate and self obsessed I must have looked, at the lack of self respect I demonstrated. We’ll not even mention the unnecessary stress I invited into my life!

This also means letting go, in the nicest possible way, of friendships that don’t work. Surround yourself with friends who support you, who encourage and inspire you, who appreciate you for who you are – prune away those who drag you down, crush your spirit or mistreat you.

Give yourself permission to create the right conditions in your life to grow.

Photo by Thai Jasmine http://www.flickr.com/photos/22193699@N04/3073639161/

Take Your Time

Whenever you start something new, take things slowly at first. I try to become immediately good at everything, I want it to be perfect right away and when that doesn’t happen I throw in the towel or my interest fizzles out. Take things slowly and practice often, don’t try to match up to other people straight away and then feel like a failure when you don’t meet the standard. Be patient and persistent and learn thoroughly and you will get there, soon you will be up to speed and maybe even more.