The first parents evening

Last night we had Taters first ever parent's evening and it was great to actually talk to the nursery about how he’s settling in there – without speech therapists, early years inclusion teams, any of that.

I was pretty nervous about what I would hear, could I take it if they told me he’s not interested in other kids, won’t mix, can’t do half the things the others do? If he’s markedly different from other kids his age? Could I handle that?

Thankfully they didn’t say any of that. The overall message was that they are really pleased with how well he’s settling in.

It became apparent that he’s using less of his new found talking skills at nursery than at home, which I’d expected. He only started nursery a few weeks ago and talking is still relatively new to him, I’m just pleased he’s talking to them at all.

I was undecided whether to raise the subject of the speech therapist with them, not wanting to take up our ten minute appointment having a rant about my frustrations. But the teacher actually raised the subject herself, it turns out they are bemused at how little actual speech therapy is being doing with him, and since they turn up so sporadically what they can hope to achieve if they don’t put in the time to get to know him. I certainly found that very interesting.

Our specific concerns may differ, but it came as a relief to know it’s not just me doubting the usefulness of their service. It also made me feel like the nursery are truly on my son’s side, rather than that of the “system”. That really makes me happy.

I know two of the teachers there are parents of children with their own “quirks” so I really feel like they get it. It’s good not to feel like I’m fighting this on my own anymore.

The biggest eye opener though was that apparently there is other help available out there should we feel the speech therapy isn’t working out. I wasn’t aware we actually had options and because of that was reluctant to rock the boat. But she specifically named one centre where her daughter was treated for a different disorder and said they had been wonderful. This is great news and I’ll be doing my research.

Obviously I want to hear what support the speech and language therapy department are offering at this meeting in March, but it’s brilliant to know that I don’t have to just go along with it if I don’t think it’s working out. The teacher even offered to help us out on this if we wanted to go down a different route.

The only other issue she raised was in regards to his clinginess. She said they have a number of kids who need an adult to take them somewhere and aren’t confident enough to do it on their own, but Taters was the only one who needed the adult to then stay with him.

This didn’t really come as a surprise to me, he’s been like this since he was born and as much as I adore my son, it has been quite suffocating at times. For a long time he wouldn’t let me out of his sight for a second, at playgroups I couldn’t sit and talk to other mums because he needed me constantly at his side. I know my way around all the local soft play centres because even when he’s there with his cousins, he still needs me next to him. If it isn’t me, it’s Grandma, and now he’s transferred the same dependency to his favourite nursery teacher. It isn’t that he’s not interested in other kids, far from it, but he always needs his trusted grown up there as support.

I’ve become so used to it I hardly think about it anymore. It only really becomes an issue at parties when I find myself hanging out with all the children, longing for a little adult conversation. But other than that I’d just accepted it as our ‘norm’ now.

Of course now I think about it, it’s obviously the reason he won’t sleep in his own bed either. When he wakes up and no one is there, he’s scared and cries out for us. I didn’t mind too much when this was around 11pm and I wanted to go to bed anyway, but it’s crept in earlier and earlier until I often find myself in bed at 8:30pm, with no time to myself, no chance of an evening with my husband. It’s really frustrating. It’s also a miracle I managed to get pregnant again!

Now I have a feeling if I can crack this independence thing, the sleeping problem is likely to improve too. The nursery teacher has given me a few ideas to go on and obviously they’re going to be working on it at nursery, in their usual gentle but firm way that I so approve of. I’m feeling pretty positive about at least making some improvements in this area.

It does worry me though, he has all these little idiosyncrasies, does he have some condition I’ve just not heard of? It doesn’t seem to match what I know of Autism or Asperger’s but what if there’s something else?…I don’t know… he is quirky…

But to end on a positive note. I was worried his fledgling verbal skills would stop him making friends, but apparently he’s already made friends with a little girl who’s quite taken with him, as he is with her. He’s actually settled in better than I realised and seems so happy there. I am absolutely chuffed to bits about that.