The Calm Before the Storm

With my due date just a few days away this feels very much like the calm before the storm. Two size scans have estimated this baby to be smaller than Taters was and with the placenta also out of the way I'm all set for a natural birth. 

Who knows what will happen when the time actually comes? But I'm as prepared as I can be. I was disappointed to learn that because Taters was born by emergency c-section this birth will be more closely monitored by a consultant and I get the impression that at the first hint of trouble they'll be whisking me in for another section. I'd hoped to have as little intervention as possible this time, but I'm choosing to be positive about this; while the consultant is keeping a close eye on the baby, that's one less thing for me to worry about so I can get on with the business of trying to give birth. I'll just have to make the best of it.


I know I want to avoid drugs, I know I don't want an epidural if I can handle the contractions. I want to stay active and upright. I know all these things increase my odds of having a natural birth and of having less problems breast feeding afterwards.

I'm anxious that the consultant is going to try and control things too much - I say this because he already talks about how he's going to do this and that as if I have no say in the subject, that this is just how things are done. That pisses me off. Sure he can advise and recommend, but ultimately this is my body we're talking about. 

I really want the doctors to stay in the background, keep an eye on things, but only step in if needed. Isn't that the way it should be? Because really if birth was all that tricky and didn't come naturally to women, then the human race wouldn't be here in its ridiculously large numbers as it is today. I'm not saying the medical profession isn't needed, most definitely it is, but for when things go wrong, not to control the whole process. 

So I just want to be allowed to get on with doing what my body knows how to do naturally. I only hope I can keep calm and relaxed and let it do its thing. I know it can, after all I got to 8cm with Taters despite his size. After asking plenty of questions I've been reassured that just because I'm being monitored it doesn't mean I have to stay on the bed (was that true of my last birth because no one told me that if it was?!) Also that they can dim the lights for me if I want. So maybe it won't be as bad as I'd initially feared. I'd love it if they would turn down the sound from the heart monitors too, I don't know if that's possible but I really hate hearing my baby's heartbeat. Maybe that sounds weird, but I spent hours last time listening to my son's heart slowing and speeding up, feeling terrified I was about to hear him die. It has freaked me out listening to heart beats ever since then.

And if I do end up with another section, hopefully not but these things happen, well that's okay too. Apparently so long as I've gone through some of the labour process, the baby will have benefited from the hormones that have been released, so the effort isn't wasted, it's just that she may make her grand entrance through a different exit. Sometimes that's just for the best... Yes that is a totally different perspective from the one I previously held, I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately...

This is such a weird, weird time... I don't actually feel like thinking or analysing things too much. This is where I'm at now...