Happy Christmas

I have tried so very hard this year to make this the "Best. Christmas. Ever!" And it's been ok. The house was filled with presents and chaos. Family visited. No one argued. It was ok.

Really it was ok... Just ok.

But I always hope for a Christmas that will fill me with joy, with a feeling of magic. The one a number of my friends of Facebook seemed to have had. Is there something wrong with me in that I can't seem to feel that? 

I have all the right ingredients, but I feel so flat. Why? 

I felt under so much pressure to make this one day so special I ended up feeling stressed, at times I was almost ordering my husband to be cheerful and enjoy himself... No, it didn't work. 

When my son woke up with a terrible honking cough, then my dad turned up full of flu...  How dare these things happen on Christmas Day?? 

But it was ok. My son liked his presents. He wouldn't let us play any Christmas music at dinner but that's nothing really in the grand scheme of things. The baby smiled a lot, she grumbled a lot too. No one argued. Did I mention no one argued?

There was a lot to feel grateful for... So many wonderful things.

This year has been both the best year ever what with the baby and the amazing birth. Seeing Taters grow so much from a baby into a little boy. It's been amazing. It's also been hard. Again what with the baby and the autism diagnosis. The best year and the hardest year all rolled into one.

 I'm exhausted. I wish I could spend Christmas in front of the tv. I wish I could just enjoy a long bath. I miss my nannan and grandad. My aunty and uncle. I miss being the child. 

It's just one day though isn't it.