Then we went to my elderly aunts house for lunch and to introduce her to the baby. Unfortunately my aunt is rather deaf and when her telephone suddenly blared loudly out at the side of him he dissolved into tears, obviously terrified. I was almost winning him over and calming him down when it happened again, only this time he clutched his ears screaming over and over.
We ended up sitting in the car outside eating our chips while my parents and aunt finished theirs inside.
He was fragile for the rest of the day. I could only get him into my parents house by unplugging all their telephones to reassure him.
Yesterday (Saturday) he had a similar tantrum when our bus turned out to be a single decker - I hadn't even noticed before but the bus that serves our route is usually a double decker. We tried to persuade him, carry him on (bad idea), he went crazy. It was pretty awful.
Getting off the bus we had another meltdown because he wanted an ice cream when it wasn't feasible. Cue high pitched hysterical screaming all the way down the road.
Oh boy!
Fast forward to the afternoon. Our friends' little girl's 4th birthday party. He didn't want to go. Fair enough. We tried to gently persuade him thinking he might enjoy it when he got there, but after the morning we'd had I certainly wasn't going to push it. So we went to drop off her present instead with the promise that I wouldn't make him go inside if he didn't want to. That seemed to calm him so another meltdown was thankfully averted. But we did end up spending half an hour outside in their garden chatting to a few of their smoker friends while everyone else had fun inside. It was depressing.
So, did my son suddenly get more autistic? Or is it that the blinkers have come off and I'm seeing his behaviour for what it is, whereas previously I was in denial? These last two days have left me wondering how I could possibly have not believed he had ASD, it's been so glaringly obvious.
Oh I know things like this have happened before, always. I've spent many a birthday party wandering around someone's garden with my son while everyone else socialised elsewhere. But it seems more frequent all of a sudden, the aggression is new on me and bothers me no end.
Certainly I've always felt apprehensive taking him places, then relieved if we made it home without a drama. So yes, difficult behaviour certainly isn't new. But it feels bigger. Harder to handle.
In truth he used to be a lot worse if I'm honest. But he was younger then and people used to smile and tell us of tantrums their kids had. Children eh?
Then around last summer
he got a lot better and I thought all that was in the past. A phase that was now over.
So what happened?
Well this year he started nursery, his baby sister was born, and the fleas happened and he kept getting sent away to live with grandma while we tried to get rid of them (he kept saying to me "not get rid of me?"). Then his mummy and daddy suddenly started acting strange and sad and talking about him in worried voices...
It's been a tough year for him hasn't it?
Anyone would feel insecure and anxious under those circumstances.
So I know right now what he needs is my help and understanding. He's been through a lot. I just want to make him happy again. When we have a few rough days like this it's hard not to feel like I've lost my little boy, he's hard to reach and hard to deal with. But this isn't him. He's been much better than this before and he will be again.
Earlier I was watching a little film of him from a year ago, in it he could barely put two words together, and his little voice is so nervous and unclear. He has achieved so much the past 12 months that who knows where we'll be a year from now. This glitch is just that. A glitch.
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