Escaping the Shit Vortex

How I plan to get out of here by Suzanne Crawford

So we’ve established that right now I have some lovely big old challenges heading my way in the future.  Or to put it bluntly, I’m facing financial ruin.

I try to keep strong, but it is a fight to keep positive when it feels like you’re living in a shit vortex! Yes, once that vortex is spinning it keeps pulling more and more shit towards it, and you can’t seem to catch a break. Welcome to my life right now!

But I’m not about to lay down and take it.  

In fact I’ve had something of an epiphany.

I’m sick of drifting through life, being buffeted around on the whims of the universe, totally at the mercy of everything and everyone else (and often ending up in the shit because of that).

And I’m done with raging about the injustice of it all, with crying about how unfair life is. I now have to get on and deal with the reality of it.

This is my life and it’s up to me where it goes, not anyone or everyone else. It’s about time I took charge of it.

Not so long ago I started thinking about having a five year plan. It may sound odd but I’ve never actually thought about what I really wanted out of life before, and even when I have, I’ve never really believed I could have it. I suffer from a serious lack of ambition.

Maybe it’s being brought up in a northern working class home where it’s frowned upon to have ‘ideas above your station’,  but I’ve always acted more like I don’t have a say in what happens to me, life happens around me and I make the best of it.

So even though the universe seems intent on kicking me when I’m down, for the first time in my life I’ve realised I AM allowed to have the lifestyle I want, I can have ambitions, I can make things happen, there’s no reason why I can’t have things other people have. Why did I ever think I wasn’t allowed??

And so at long last I’m daring to dream, I’m daring to sketch out the future I want for myself. And I’ve given myself permission to make it real.

I’ve been making to-do-lists, planning how and when I’m going to do them (I bought myself a clever little Year Planner that’s been helping me with that) and right now I’m exploring again. I don’t really know what I want, or where I want to go, so I’m trying new things and seeing what resonates with me, looking for inspiration. Trying to find the road I belong on. 

I've noticed the changes already; I’ve become more creative – I’ve got ideas for three different paintings, a children’s book (and illustrations), I’ve been painting glass lanterns for my garden, making dresses, trying my hand at crocheting. 

So you see I’m trying to turn around the shit vortex and make good things happen again. And hopefully along to way I’ll find myself a path in life that will make things better for both me and my family. A way out of this chaos we’re currently in.