Searching for perspective

My feelings keep trying to lie to me. They want me to feel like my future dreams for my son have been dashed. But in truth I never had a clear picture of what I wanted him to be, so nothing has been destroyed there. 

They want me to blame everything bad on autism. But in truth life is crazy right now because of many things, not least a little baby...

They try to tell me this autism means we'll be isolated and tied to the house, that the meltdowns will make it near impossible to go anywhere. Truth is my lack of driving and having a car is a much bigger obstacle to those things. Sure his anxieties make things trickier. It's hard when you've dragged the entire family across town in the cold only to have him meltdown in front of the museum and refuse to go in. But with patience and understanding I can usually win him over. But having our own car would be the game changer in this situation and not the autism.

My heart wants me to believe every tantrum and naughtiness is autism, and not normal 4 year old behaviour, making every bad mood seem sinister and frightening, rather than allowing me to write it off as boys being boys and instantly forgotten...

Perspective has gone out of the window lately.