Work!

In approximately 9 weeks I go back to work. I have very mixed feelings: I'm looking forward to seeing my old work mates again; I'm daunted by the actual work since I haven't used that part of my brain in such a long time; and I'm dreading leaving my baby and seeing less of my son again.

Family life is so overwhelming at the moment and I don't know how I can squeeze work back into the picture. But we can't afford to have me stay at home so it's back to work I go.

But what of breastfeeding? I'm planning to continue but obviously it's going to have to be on a more part time basis and I'm not sure how it's going to work. I'm trying to get her to take a bottle or a sippy cup but so far without success. So much expressed milk has ended up going down the drain, which is disheartening when it takes so long to produce in the first place.

And though I obviously know formula is fine and certainly isn't poison, I've put up such a fight to breastfeed I feel reluctant to give her it.

What it all boils down to is that it feels wrong going back to work for me. I'm not ready to stop feeding my baby. I want to be with her, I want to be here to care for my son. I feel like my place right now is in the home.