Another Goodbye

Reunited

Last week was my Aunty’s funeral. It was a bittersweet death, and not at all unexpected, she’d suffered from Alzheimer’s since she had a stroke in 2010 and had been in decline ever since. She also lost her husband unexpectedly last October and I don't think she wanted to live anymore, not like that anyway. It was hard to see someone I greatly admired reduced from the strong, independent woman I knew, to a silent and frail, disheveled old lady. Alzheimer's is a cold, harsh illness.

Catching Up

Sugar Free So-So

I’ve spent the last few days feeling below par, struggling with my monthly hormonal migraine. I had hoped that going sugar free would prove to be some miraculous cure for that but unfortunately not. I guess it has only been a few weeks so who knows, maybe next month. I’d love to be able to come out with all these statements about how it cured this problem, resolved that, how I’ve never looked or felt better. Sadly not, not yet anyway, sorry.

Alright, alright, I AM counting

I just came on.

I’d hoped by some sheer stroke of good luck I’d get pregnant this month, without putting in much effort, without really thinking about it, it could have crept in under the radar and I might even have been able to ignore it for a few weeks – because let’s face it, if I do get pregnant again it’s going to be scary. To be able to ignore it for as many weeks as possible would be a blessing.

Sugar Free Success!

Something really surprising has happened. After months of attempting to quit sugar, I suddenly realised this morning that I no longer crave it. Previously when it came to sugar, resistance was futile, I loved it, I couldn’t get enough of it and I have been this way my entire life. At work there is a tradition of bringing in cakes on your birthday and I work in a pretty busy office so it’s often someone’s birthday. And every time those collections of cakes appeared my sugar free plan went out of the window. I genuinely couldn’t resist. My will power was rubbish!

Until now.

A colleague just turned 30 and a huge collection of cakes has appeared in the office, and you know what? I’m just not bothered. While others are sitting happily munching away, I don’t feel tempted at all. This is so bloody weird! Never in my life have I had a “take it or leave it” attitude to sweet things.

Suddenly being sugar free is no longer hard.

Is this all my fault?

I’m starting to really worry about Tater’s speech delay. I’ve waited and waited for him to talk, thinking any day now he’d suddenly amaze me and call me mummy. At 18 months I wasn't worried, there were a few of us at playgroup with kids who weren't talking,  then 18 months became 2 years, then two and a half came and went and still no words. The other late talkers had left us behind one by one, and we're the last ones now with still no words. And I'm starting to panic.

I'm Not Counting!

I suppose it’s fair to say we’re now trying for another baby again, although we’re really not making any kind of big deal about it. There’s no counting days to work out when the ‘fertile window’ might be – I’m not even sure when I’m due on anyway since I don’t know what the miscarriage has done to my cycles, and it's better that way, I hate it that whole thing of waiting to find out if this month you were successful. I like being ignorant about it, it takes off the pressure. I’m just closely listening to my body to work out when it’s that fertile time of the month and we'll go with that. But even then there’ll be no heroic efforts to get pregnant during that time. Well, perhaps not for the first few months.

I know I can’t really forget about it, but I almost want to. I want to concentrate on other things as much as I can.

The Monkey Tater

Taters is going through a funny phase at the moment and since he can’t talk, I can only guess at what’s going on in his head. He’s suddenly become scared of other toddlers. Well, sort of, he’s fine with them unless there’s a toy involved somewhere in the equation. Basically if another toddler or child interrupts him when he’s happily playing with something, he gets devastated. As in he totally falls apart, first his little mouth turns down, then his chin quivers, he shakes his head and then cries hysterically. It's not good.

Take the weekend for example, usually he adores spending time with his cousins, but this time as soon as his eldest cousin came near him he started to cry. He was playing with a toy and I don't know whether it’s that he doesn’t want to share things, or he thinks they're after his toy, I don’t know. Either way it’s giving me cause for concern.