Why quitting is no longer an option

Yes I have been thrown lately by the whole ASD assessment, and my old money worries are still lurking in the background occasionally rearing their ugly head and filling me with dread, but by no means does that mean I’ve thrown the whole Laws of Attraction thing out of the window. Why would I? Up until now I’ve been a total worrier and negative thinker and it has had a limiting effect on my life – I completely believe that. Therefore I’ve nothing to lose but a lot to gain by changing tracks and trying a new approach.

Law of Attraction - the gist of it all

I’ve been reading about the “Law of Attraction” recently– a topic I seem to be stumbling upon left, right and centre, in fact it keeps throwing itself into my path demanding to be read. Who was I to argue with that?

The Law of Attraction is basically the principle of "like attracting like" That's it in a nutshell. If you're negative you attract bad things, if you're positive you attract good things...

To a certain degree I can get on board with this since it sounds similar to the self-fulfilling prophecy theory I studied in A-Level psychology. And in my own life I’ve regularly talked about feeling like a shit magnet, or being trapped in a shit vortex - which is essentially the Law of Attraction working in it's negative form.

Happy Beltane

Beltane 2009; that was the date me and my husband set out on the road to become parents. Beltane 2010 we went to the Beltane Fire Festival held at Lynwood Gardens in Sheffield. It was cold and drizzly but it totally blew me away. I was also four months pregnant with Taters. It was magical; seeing the procession, all the people painted and dressed up, the sound of drums echoing through the woods, the fire jugglers... I just loved it all.

2011 and 2012 we didn't make it, problems getting a babysitter mostly, so 2013 I was adamant we wouldn't miss it again. It's a fertility festival after all and we're about to start trying again for another baby, so it seemed even more appropriate than ever.

Midlife crisis

Fertility Diet

The fertility diet continues although so far my attempts at baking sugar free gingerbread men were really rather disastrous. Firstly the mixture wouldn’t bind together to make a dough, despite following the recipe to the letter, and then when they came out of the oven they tasted oddly salty, a little bit burnt, vaguely gingery but not particularly nice. Needless to say I’m not likely to start posting pictures of my wonderful creations just yet! I’m hoping for better results with the buns later in the week. But I desperately need some kind of sweet alternative before I raid Taters' stash of Easter eggs! Perhaps honey just isn’t going to cut it?

The Latent Hippy Returns?

To bring us up to date...

Work

I’m struggling to get back into work, finding it hard to be interested in anything that goes on in the world of business, politics and the economy (all of which are my job to know about). It’s not helping that before the miscarriage I moved teams and all my new team mates are younger than me, not to mention child free, so while they’re really passionate about their jobs and work all the hours they can, then head to the pub to wind down; I'm struggling to give a shit about work and leave on the dot so I can see my son before his bedtime. I just don't have much in common with them and I’m feeling kinda isolated. 

Samhain 2012, the plotting begins...

It was Halloween 2009, a few months previously I’d suffered a miscarriage and we were trying for another baby, but as I sat at the dining room table that evening, hot water bottle clutched to my stomach – it had just become apparent that there was no baby on the way this month either. It was one of my lowest moments. As the neighbourhood children knocked on the door, trick or treating, our home seemed so quiet and empty. Now we’d set our hearts on becoming a family, the house seemed lonely with just the two of us in it.

Lessons 3, 4 and 5

Make Peace With Your Choices

Do not seek validation from other people, particularly strangers. Waste of time. Make peace with your decisions and stand by them with conviction and integrity. No one can take you down that way. At the end of the day you are only answerable to your higher self.