Last Thursday Part One

I know it’s a combination of sleep deprivation, the fact it’s “that time of the month” and the events of the year to date, but it just feels like there’s too much going on right now and I’m having a hard time coping.

The Return of the Nerves

I am actually sitting here shaking with nerves. Why? Because I have a driving lesson in half an hour. I’m trying to tell myself how ridiculous this is but my body seems determined to force the fear on me anyway, no matter what my head tells it. I can’t believe I still get this way, I’ve had over 20 lessons now and I can actually handle a car just fine – I can get up and down the gears, I don’t stall consistently at junctions anymore, I live in what has to be one of the hilliest areas of the country, so while hill starts are tricky, I’m not totally freaked out by them, I know what I’m doing on a roundabout now… so what on earth am I scared of? I think I’m panicking just out of habit. I’ve become like one of Pavlov’s dogs, only my reaction is to descend into panic the moment I hear the words, “Driving lesson!” There is no longer a justifiable reason to react that way.

Driving nerves - the follow up

My initial attempts to get my driving nerves under control appear to have been successful. Every time anxiety raised its head rather than trying to soothe myself with deep breathing or force myself to think of something else, I turned around and conversed directly with the demon, “Nope, I’m not scared, I’ll be fine, I can do this…” (much stronger terms may have also been used!) On top of that I tried to explore what I was actually afraid of, which was surprisingly difficult to decipher since nothing seemed to warrant the level of fear I was experiencing, but once something was identified I’d calmly talk myself through what I needed to do, how I needed to approach it.

It's that time of the week again

Every week is the same, as my driving lesson draws closer my anxiety levels go through the roof. Perhaps if I was of an older generation they’d say I suffered with my nerves (they used to say that of my mum).

Wisdom gained from driving lessons

At the grand old age of 36 I am finally learning to drive. It’s not something I ever planned to do – I was perfectly happy pre-child to sling my back pack over my shoulder and travel wherever I wanted by train or coach, in fact it was something I enjoyed. Then life changed and the logistics of travelling with a toddler have resulted in me becoming increasingly dependent on other people to get anywhere at all. I hate feeling like a burden or a freeloader, and I hate being stuck at home, so it was time to take the plunge and learn.