Big time mummy fail

It would be easy to feel down in the dumps right now. Having a new baby and a three year old I haven't paid much attention to the cats recently, so when the fleas first got them I didn't notice any sudden scratching. They're indoor cats, naively I thought fleas were a nasty we would avoid.

Aforementioned new baby also meant the house has been in a state of chaos too, I've managed to get the washing done, I have dusted and cleaned bathroom and kitchen whenever I got a spare minute. But it hasn't had a good proper clean in ages.

Add into the mix my son hates vacuum cleaners and in the past has screamed in terror at the sight of them, the house hasn't had a decent vacuum in a long time - we mostly have wooden floors though so I thought we were getting away with it. 

He also hates the bath and screams like he's being beaten if you wash his hair... 

Argh! What an idiot I've been! All these things combined made us the perfect environment for a full on flea infestation! 

When our son started getting bitten we jumped to the wrong conclusion and got him a new bed. And so it went on...

That's how it took hold. And I feel like such a terrible mother now because for weeks he's been getting more and more bites until he now looks horrific. He looks like he's been neglected, like we've allowed this to continue.

But I've done everything I can... Cats are treated, house sprayed with nasty chemicals, washed everything possible, vacuumed everyday, put baking soda on carpets and beds, treated his bites with antihistamin cream, sudocrem, antiseptic cream, aloe vera, calamine lotion. I've tried to repell the fleas with Skin So Soft, lemon spray, insect repellant. I bought a new vacuum cleaner and then a steam cleaner...

But his bites keep getting worse and worse! Yesterday we took him to the doctors walk in service, worried they were getting infected (because he scratches, we stop him every time we see him but he digs in so hard it takes just a second to break the skin). He's now got antibiotics (yes they are atarting to get infected), a different antihistamin cream and insect repellant gel.

Plus I'm sending him to stay with his grandma for a few nights which is breaking my heart, but I think his immune system needs a break from new bites so he can heal.

I feel like I can't protect him, like I'm failing as a mum. The last two nights it has been keeping him awake and he's been so distressed. It's a nightmare. I keep expecting social services to come knocking demanding that I explain myself!

We're now bathing him twice a day and this morning we traumatised him further by washing his hair. But he even had bites in his hair and I worried the fleas had taken up residence there.

The house is sprayed Monday, then he can come home. What more can I do?!

Fleas part 2!

The war on fleas continues. I think we're winning, the cats are certainly more settled and it's rare that I see one on them or find evidence of droppings or eggs in the house.

But even though I'm vacuuming daily and sprinkling baking soda into carpets and rugs (it's meant to dry up any eggs) my son continues to get bitten. Honestly his legs look so bad it makes me want to cry. I'm covering him Avon's Skin So Soft but perhaps not enough because they're still getting through. I'm now planning on taking him to the doctors to get him checked over and see if there's anything else I can be doing. 

Also next week we nuke the house with chemicals again and the cats get another round of Frontline, so hopefully that will improve things further. I hope so, it's been getting me really down. My mums gone all weird on me about this and won't visit, or let us visit them (umm, she has issues, I'll say no more), my mother in law hates cats anyway and now sees this as justification... It's depressing.

On a more positive note the house has never been so clean... apart from the bloody fleas!

Fleas!

Two weeks ago my husband commented on how there was "grit" in one of the cats fur, adding "that's nothing right?"

"Umm, that could be fleas actually,"

"But they're indoor cats,"

"Yeh I didn't think indoor cats got fleas either but Taters has been getting bitten by something..."

That was how it began. We'd been putting his bites down to his bed, which made us speed up our plans to buy him a new bigger bed, thinking it would solve two problems in one. I hadnt even considered the cats might have fleas, being indoor cats it never occurred to me. But that is exactly what it was and without realising it we had a flea infestation on our hands.

In the days that followed I vacuumed so many times, the entire house top to bottom, moving furniture, over skirting boards, I steam cleaned all the floors, washed all the soft furnishings I could and binned things I wasn't overly attached to. I'm now shattered! The cats have been treated and we've sprayed the house with a nasty smelling spray the vet gave us, which I hate using considering we have a 3 month old baby! (I clean with bicarbonate of soda, or eCover products, I hate chemicals, I'm a hippy for gods sake!) Luckily we'd booked a few days away at Centre Parcs so we sprayed the house then didn't set foot in it for another 4 days.

I had hoped that would be the end of it and found myself having a panic attack when we returned home to find the cats still scratching and evidence of flea eggs wherever they'd been laying.

I'm usually a live and let live kind of woman, but my little boy is covered in bites and this morning I found one crawling on my baby's head. This means war! These fleas have to go!

I've since been vacuuming twice a day and we've been advised to spray the house again in another week. I'm taking the baby to stay with a friend that night (I did ask my mum if we could go there but she text me back saying "she didn't know about that" - that just made me cry, but that's another story entirely)... Back to the fleas...Apparently this isn't a problem you get rid of in one go. But it's a nightmare and I'm so stressed! I daren't put the baby down and my little boys legs look so horrific I want to cry when I see them.

Saying that I've discovered Avon's Skin so Soft oil is meant to be great for repelling fleas and by a sheer stroke of luck I actually have some in. It was bought for me as a birthday present and I've even been using it recently, so is this why I haven't been bitten when my son and husband have? Well, either way I'm covering my son in it tomorrow! I've also been told Aloe Vera is good for treating bites and I have a huge Aloe Vera plant in my window which is now being put to good use.

 I'm really hoping that along with the chemical warfare, OCD levels of vacuuming, plus the baking soda and essential oils I'll be trying out tomorrow, I'm hoping I can protect my kids and obliterate these bloody fleas once and for all.

The dream and the reality

Second time motherhood is proving to be a totally different kettle of fish to the first time. I'm so much more relaxed about everything, so much more confident. Although the logistics of two children are challenging to say the least, I'm finding it infinitely more easy.

At this stage, (12 weeks) with Taters I barely left the house, we were struggling with thrush and mastitis and well, he was an angry little baby and I was his stressed out mama on the verge of seriously cracking up.

Whereas second time round we're doing just fine. Sure I've made some bad calls (dealing with an over tired baby in front of a restaurant full of people... no, it was a little niave thinking we could just carry on as before dragging the baby with us!) But by and large we've found our rhythm, she smiles loads, I'm happy, it's all good.

I really wanted a natural birth, to breastfeed, to carry her in a sling next to me, to use reusable nappies, all things that fit with my love of all things natural and environmentally friendly. I wanted these things with my first too but I was too overwhelmed by it all, too eager to please everyone around me and listen to their opinions and advice, among other things. This time I wanted to do it my way and I have, mostly, it turns out this baby too has a mind of her own and doesn't always go along with my "vision". But she is a breastfed, cloth bummed baby who I carry around in a sling and I want to celebrate that. I bloody well did it! I am the mum I always wanted to be :)

Yes the reality isn't 100% the dream - the natural birth left me with a 3rd degree tear, her wardrobe has far too much pink in it for my liking (gifts) and not enough cute pixie spots and stripes. Also she loves the sling when she's sleepy but doesn't tolerate it long once awake, so we're not quite venturing all over the place with baby happily cuddled up in sling, but hey ho! That's just life. 

And it has me thinking. I felt powerless before to be the mother I wanted to be, but with a little effort and a little courage I'm doing it. Now what about the rest of me? I am being the person I want to be? Or am I still living to please others there too? 

What kind of mum am I?

I was just reading of a therapist who said he treated more adult children of perfectionist parents than he did of neglectful ones.

Wow, maybe I should cut myself some slack and well, just relax a little about the whole thing? You see when it comes to other mums I am sooo understanding and sympathetic when I hear about something they think they did "wrong", but if I mess up I see it as conclusive evidence that I am the worst mum ever and my poor children stand no chance...

If I'm talking to you I'll tell you how I believe in doing whatever works for you, so long as the kid is loved and fed the rest is just different paths up the same mountain, it doesn't matter which you take they all lead to the same place. 

But I never extend that attitude to myself. No I need to do everything exactly right, by the book, even if it drives me nuts and it usually does. I demand perfection of myself and of course I'm not perfect, therefore i'm forever beating myself up about nearly everything. If I can't be perfect then I must be useless, crap, pathetic. 

And yes of course if I come across a mum I admire, who is confident in her choices and seems to have it down, I develop a pathetic little mummy crush and feel totally inferior!

But c'mon, maybe getting everything absolutely spot on right isn't so important after all. Maybe I should ease up on the constant critique of my parenting skills and just, you know, love my kids and enjoy them rather than taking them on like a project? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to give them my best, but not necessarily my all? 

Maybe? No, definitely!