At this stage, (12 weeks) with Taters I barely left the house, we were struggling with thrush and mastitis and well, he was an angry little baby and I was his stressed out mama on the verge of seriously cracking up.
Whereas second time round we're doing just fine. Sure I've made some bad calls (dealing with an over tired baby in front of a restaurant full of people... no, it was a little niave thinking we could just carry on as before dragging the baby with us!) But by and large we've found our rhythm, she smiles loads, I'm happy, it's all good.
I really wanted a natural birth, to breastfeed, to carry her in a sling next to me, to use reusable nappies, all things that fit with my love of all things natural and environmentally friendly. I wanted these things with my first too but I was too overwhelmed by it all, too eager to please everyone around me and listen to their opinions and advice, among other things. This time I wanted to do it my way and I have, mostly, it turns out this baby too has a mind of her own and doesn't always go along with my "vision". But she is a breastfed, cloth bummed baby who I carry around in a sling and I want to celebrate that. I bloody well did it! I am the mum I always wanted to be :)
Yes the reality isn't 100% the dream - the natural birth left me with a 3rd degree tear, her wardrobe has far too much pink in it for my liking (gifts) and not enough cute pixie spots and stripes. Also she loves the sling when she's sleepy but doesn't tolerate it long once awake, so we're not quite venturing all over the place with baby happily cuddled up in sling, but hey ho! That's just life.
And it has me thinking. I felt powerless before to be the mother I wanted to be, but with a little effort and a little courage I'm doing it. Now what about the rest of me? I am being the person I want to be? Or am I still living to please others there too?
No comments:
Post a Comment