Putting one foot in front of the other

Actually all I want to do right now is curl up in bed and cry. But I can't. I have a baby to take care of and a little boy to keep a brave face on for. I have no choice but the muddled through, scrambled up this hill and get on with things the best I can.

You see I know deep down inside that I'll be ok, that I can accept this, that we will all be just fine. But I have a lot to work through to get there, before i can be comfortable with this being our life now. I'm not there yet, but I will be one day and in the meantime I don't want my son to suffer in anyway because I'm feeling weak.

So I'm trying to do the old fake it until you make it right now. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I'll keep putting make up on and going to playgroups, picking my little boy up from nursery and making polite small talk with other mums. I don't want my little boy to feel like something is wrong and I certainly don't want him to think he's what's wrong.

I've started trying to look after myself better, I don't feel like it but I'm doing it anyway. I even took myself off for a massage at the weekend. I'm trying to carve out a little time in all this craziness to recharge my own batteries a little. I'm just so bloody tired all the time. I wish my baby would sleep!