Where we're at now

Ever since Taters was referred for the Autism assessment I’ve been talking and talking and talking about it to anyone who will listen. And it’s really helped to hear everyone else’s experiences of the condition. I’m far from an expert but I’ve had my eyes opened and now realise there is so much about autism that I don’t know, so much I’ve yet to learn. I get what they mean when they say the spectrum is very wide. It really is.

On hearing the term "autism" I'd immediately envisioned special schools, a lonely existence with no hope of ever forming a relationship. Now I've heard so many varied stories, so many different experiences, I know that even if he is diagnosed, his future is not set in stone, in fact it's as unpredictable yet full of possibilities as anyone elses.

My neighbours are teachers who have both taught children on the spectrum and some of their experiences have been very reassuring. From children whose ASD is so mild that with a little help their differences are barely noticeable, or at least are manageable, to one girl who was actually quite severely affected but is now training to be a doctor. I've heard of many who are married with children... Yes, the spectrum really is very wide. And for many it does seem that classing it as a disorder is a little harsh, a difference would be more accurate. I don't know.

What I do know is that he certainly doesn't have the classic symptoms of autism, I don't need an assessment to tell me that. He is not severely autistic. But whether his quirks are enough to put him on the spectrum, that I really don't know. I've been watching him like a hawk, gathering evidence for and against. And for the most part I see him doing things that really don't match my understanding of the condition - his imaginative play is growing, his social skills are improving, his language skills continue to grow rapidly. But then just as I'm ready to relax and almost forget about the whole thing, he'll do something really irrational that makes no sense to me - like falling apart because his toy car gets wet in the rain, or getting hysterical because his grandad has turned up in a different car (we couldn't get him in it for love nor money.) Normal three year old behaviour or ASD traits? I just don't know.

Right now I'm actually seeing the assessment as a positive step to helping us understand him and identify any areas he may be struggling with. That's the most important thing, getting the right kind of help and advice to help him continue to grow. I’m actually really happy about that. I have secret hopes we might come away with our own personalised instruction manual about our child. Expecting a little too much there maybe??

But I'm not so keen of labelling him, I'm really uncomfortable with that. I don’t want to put a ceiling on what he is capable of and I feel a label does that. It creates limits. I don’t want to limit him. I don’t want anyone else to limit him.

Anyway we're months away from the actual assessment, and at the rate he's advancing, who knows where we'll be by then.